“Well, I’ve been afraid of changing, ‘cause I built my life around you.” -Stevie Nicks
There are many “first days” that come in September. Students are heading back to school, recent grads are (hopefully!) starting new jobs … and for many of you stay-at-home moms (and dads) this is the moment you have dreamed of since the sleep-deprived early years of baby-drool: It’s the first day of kindergarten! You’ve probably envisioned those hours of freedom, the quiet that finally settles into the house. And then suddenly, in the middle of that deafening silence, it starts: dem old kozmic blues.
That sinking sense of depression can seep into the aftermath of any much-anticipated event, even nailing an all-important interview or marrying the mate of your dreams. When it actually happens, you don’t always feel the way you thought you would. There’s a bit of a let-down. And it just doesn’t seem to make sense.
Actually, it makes perfect sense. For every plus, there is always some minus. In the case of marriage or a job, for all you’ve gained, you’ve also lost your unfettered youthful freedom. And for parents who feel sad — your child may have sometimes been an energy-sucking brat, but that tiny tot was also your constant companion and often closest friend. The routine of daily care and entertainment was the center of your life. You laughed, you cried, you played both disciplinarian and dancing fool. You were part of life. You mattered. And now the center of your life is off somewhere in a far-way school, and in its place is an empty, aching hole.
Be patient. Be kind to yourself. Don’t use this as an excuse to drink. That hole will eventually fill with something new. Whatever that is, it’s all up to you. It may have been quite a while since this was true.
Sending a child off to the first day of school gives you the time to think. If you’ve been catering to your toddler’s nonstop needs for a long, long time, you probably put many other things on hold. Not only cleaning the closet but your whole personal life, from fitness to career, may have been relegated to the back burner until “Kimmy goes to school.”
Okay — Kimmy’s gone to school. And as you sit in the deafening silence, something brushes by your face. Wasn’t that a page from the book you were going to write? The application form for a class you were going to take, or the gym you were going to join? One by one, bits and feathers of stored thoughts break free and circle you like a whirlwind. The possibilities seem endless. You don’t even know where to begin.
And that whirlwind aside, there may also be parental uncertainty nagging at you. Will your child adjust to school? Are they safe? Will they stumble and learn … or stumble and fall? And then another thought occurs — crap! Now there is a school schedule you’ll have to work around and meetings you’ll have to attend. Unlimited freedom has suddenly contracted into a flat circle the size of a clock. It ticks loudly as you sit and ponder your changing life.
Is it any wonder that you feel depressed? Don’t worry, this is a natural state. It will soon change, as everything in life does. That depression will lift faster if you take account of that stuff you’ve been putting off. You are the only one who can make it happen. As Ms. Nicks says, “Time makes us bolder.” So, as your children get older, start making a new plan.Your life changed when you had a baby. Now it’s time for life to change again.
Human beings aren’t comfortable with change. When the structure of our world shifts and moves, there is period where we feel a bit lost, like we are falling off of a cliff backward, but never hitting ground.
Just wait. You will land. In the meantime, relax and take a much-needed deep breath. You will need all of your energy for the work before you.
I’d will leave you with the immortal words of Dr. Seuss: “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”
And as always — please choose wisely.